Monday, May 26, 2014

Realizations, Transformations.

Major Transformations are in the air!

Phoenix and I have 6 more days here in the beautiful sweltering jungle of Peru! I can't believe the time has flown this quickly, and yet, like everything, it seems like years have taken place. Time is only this bizarre concept limiting us to this material plane. When engaging with medicinal "medicine", its ability to stretch and bend is evident. Thus- 6 days could be all we need for more life changing events!




Today Phoenix and I have been both having major realizations about life, and life path, and who we are and what we want. This might be partially contributed to having taken a few drops of the Archaeus of Water- made with angel water and made from the spring on site. (Thus being unreasonable potent).
 I am realizing all the ways in which I limit myself in life, just through the need to identify with a certain way of being, or a certain self-image/idea. For example; for the longest time, I have identified myself as a "dancer". It has been, and still is, a huge passion of mine, serving as such a potent therapy for many years. Over the last 3 years I have seen a major death take place around my identification with being a "modern dancer", and I have watched that shift into "being a somatic therapist/bodyworker/healer/mover". Now, don't get me wrong, the healing arts and movement are definitely areas I want to devote my life to, and "somatics" is something that speaks to the deepest part of me. YET, I don't have to have fear that if I go and study something else, for example, Alchemy, that I can't also be a somatic practitioner, a movement lover, and a body-worker. NO! I can only expand my current range of possibility as an expressive human being. I am watching this beautiful shift occurring, where I am freeing myself of weird, unknown, unconscious limitations. Why am I so afraid of so many illusionary things, or afraid that if I go down this one "path", I might lose my "true path"?? Is there such a thing? I have limited myself in so many ways. I haven't even been aware that I was indeed limiting myself. It is incredible to realize the amount of sub-conscious fear that is present, and controlling one's life. These fears I have aren't very obvious. They are sneaky bitches. :)

I have this fear of losing myself? Wait, but what if I haven't even found myself yet? What about losing myself entirely to actually find  myself? I get so comfortable in what it is that I know. Like we all do. For example, if we were to talk about the potential of humans to thrive without eating food, and just existing off of barefoot walking, and regimented sun-gazing, and the potential for ME to do that- my base response is no. But what if the next step of my evolution was to stop eating? Would my ego stop my soul from attaining its desired level of consciousness, out of fear? There is proof out there of various people, (mostly in India), who haven't eaten for 10 plus years- and who solely transmute the earths energy, thrive on doing such. Imagine how much free time you would have in your hands. What would you do with all that extra money being spent on food (especially crap food) that oxidizes your system, and causes disease? What if you didn't have to eat anymore? Socially you would become an outcast. Spiritually you would far advance any of your food-loving peers, and physically you would become very pure. Now my soul on one hand loves this idea! Wow, spiritual evolution surpassing what I could ever imagine! Also, all this extra time to do various fun and engaging things! My ego on the other hand, is completely mortified. Why would I ever want to do that? I LOVE food, I can even identify myself into a special group of people that all eat the same way (I'm a raw food, organic, locally sourced, mostly vegetarian hippie freak)! I love pot lucks, I love the variety, what in the world would I do with all that extra time? Where would my friends go?

So, if I choose to go down this path of Sun-gazing, and slowly, incrementally, weaning myself off of food, I am cutting "myself" off from the "Norianna" built by society, and what is acceptable. IF I walk down the path of true spiritual progression, I will continually find myself up against my screaming Ego, yelling all sorts of scary things into my head. Yet I think it is the mark of a true warrior to hear those fears, and go through the hard but noble path anyways. JUST because it will make her stronger, wiser, and teach her what is truly HER'S- what is it that she can truly call her own? Anything that I cling onto, to make myself the "I"dentiy that I "think" I "am, is probably false. Identity is false. Yet, because we live on Earth it is a necessary thing, just as is Ego, to help us function and survive in this world. So the trick is, how can we merge our identification of self, with the eternal wisdom of the soul, and therefore create a true empowered human being that is fully capable of everything he/she desires?!!!

 First step: figuring out where you are stuck in the illusion of who you think you are! I think I am this dancer/somatic therapist/bodyworker, and this is my "true path", anything else might stray me from my "true purpose"......
 Well, that is a load of bullshit.
 I am infinite and my soul is so grand that nothing I could be or do might come close to expressing its full potential.



So the next step is to allow myself to explore. I ALLOW myself to explore. For example. I am allowing myself to do more exploration using psychedelics and medicinal plant teachers. I am open to living a life I have never even imagined for myself- if this means true spiritual progression. Basically I want to keep pushing myself, keep exploring the boundaries of who I think I am, and who I think I want to be.
So..... I can allow myself to also be interested in Alchemy. I mean:  I can allow myself to dive fully into it, if this is indeed what is calling me. I don't have to be scared or hesitant in any way to go down the same path as my beloved life partner. I had these fears that I would "lose myself" in the relationship if I were to be into Alchemy, because Phoenix is. I had to remain independent and separate, because if I didn't stay true to my path, I don't know- I would "lose myself"???? HOW can I lose myself- if I haven't truly found ME yet???? Doesn't this sound insane? YET I have allowed this to dictate my life for a long time. This overachieving ideal of staying true to me, true to my path... etc. (DISCLAIMER): What I am advocating for now, is this sense of freedom in choosing direction in my life path. I had a more narrow energy surrounding my ideas of IDENTIFICATION for myself, and who is "Norianna"?!  What I am shifting into now is this recognition that the big "I" is always exploring, shifting, and creating. I am FREE!

I don't have to do everything now. I can't.

I don't have to be a certain thing. But I can if I want to be.

I am still and probably will always consider myself a dancer, and someone who works with the body in healing ways. This is very much the essence of me as well.

Yet, I can dive deeply into this tradition of Alchemy, if I choose. I can help build an eco-village in the desert of Utah, if I choose. I can live a deeply esoteric, spiritual, multi-dimensional life, IF I choose. The best part is, the more I push myself to opening new envelopes of consciousness and personality within myself, the more I discover MYSELF. The more I discover MYSELF, the more I can love myself. The more I love myself, the more I can love others. The more I can love- the better the world is, the better my world is. The more I expand my possibility of self, the more I can show up in the world and serve in the highest good of all.

I don't have to put this unnecessary pressure on myself all the time to figure things out, or to know what the hell my plan is. I don't know. Things always change. I only know that my direction is wholeness. Integration of Soul, Spirit, and Body. I wish to go higher and higher. I will allow myself the freedom to do the things necessary to propel my own evolution. There is nothing else in life that can bring greater joy, then fulfilling the souls purpose. The only purpose each of us have, is to evolve ourselves. To grow our soul, to attain more liberation then we had. On and on and on, this goes-


Bless.




1 comment:

  1. :) Sounds like the plants talking. Isn't it amazing the subtle thoughts and fears that we have under the surface?

    ReplyDelete