Sunday, September 25, 2011

House manifestation complete. Whew.

Last night Cree, Shelly, and I signed a lease contract agreement for our NEW HOUSE.
Do you realize how monumental this is???
It has taken us 3 months to find and finally land a place. We have found other houses multiple times- but either it was being rented to someone else or mold became an issue or some other wierd upset came in the way. So now to finally actually solidly realistically be moving in is HUGE.
This house is really amazing: the back yard is BIG for salt lake city. There is a garden with fresh tomatos, squash, chard, different berry bushes, 3 different types of grapes, nectarines, plums, apples.... you name it we got it! The landlord lives in the basement with his 12 year old daughter- I have a good feeling about them. Mike, the landlord is super on it about safety, he is a fix it all type of man, and a super chill and cool dimenor. It is almost like we have a safe haven bubble around our house- and we have a man there just in case anything were to go terribly wrong.
Each of us 3 girls have our own bedroom. I of course get the tiny bedroom- mainly because I hardly own anything. Moving out to salt lake from North Carolina left me possesing literally 2 suitcases and a backpack. BAM- that makes things super easy and simple. I am so estatic to finally have a home. A bedroom. A place to constantly come back to that is MINE- private and quiet. I am so grateful to have this opportunity to live with two other amazing tuned-in goddesses as well. We are going to create such a beautiful harmonious atmosphere in our home. We even plan on having full- moon goddess gatherings once a month at least- utilizing our fire pit outside- (and when it is too cold- utilizing our grand fire place inside).
This is a huge commitment for me. Really the first time I have signed a lease ever- meaning I am really commiting to something here. I have to commit to a monthly budget- pay rent- manage finances- stay on top of school- work- and play.
I love how everything is falling into place also right around the fall equinox-
Times of balancing out energies.

This week I have a dance performance coming up as well. It is just a little side gig but it has been a super enjoyable process. The choreographer is a complete "non-dancer" meaning this is his first time working with dancers or doing anything dance related. So it makes for a really interesting and ever-changing choreographic process.

So like always: things are coming full circle, completing, and moving forward.
For 3 months I have attended massage school full time while sleeping on a massage table, the couch, or a futon, keeping my stuff mostly packed away, and living pretty spontaneously. It has been challenging at times, yet all in all the community house I have been staying in has been a really enriching lovely experience.

New beginnings.
New manifestations.
New commitments.
New loves.
New desires.
New goals.
New limits.


We are expanding conciousness rapidly. Riding a wavy rollercoaster through the dimensions of time-space reality. My journey is just one admist everyother god-being walking this earth. It is fun to share my stories with you, hopefully it does someone some good?!!

LOVE AND LIGHT

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

butoh of pain

Pain is a huge teacher.
Teaches humility- submission to whatever is actually happening in the present moment.
Pain is a way of constantly being reminded you are in a physical body that needs love and attention.

This pain is.
Emotions surface.
Fustration. Non-understanding- impatience with the body- needing things to be healed faster then what is actually occuring.
Egos' desires versus the souls infinite wisdom.
Painbody is in pain.

I may not understand what is happening to my physical body- but this much I do know:
I want to be whole, complete, and 100% healthy.
Health is really EVERYTHING. It is such a challenge to stay upbeat and positive when one is in a lot of pain. I empathize with a lot of the world right now. How many children are getting limbs blown off in Iraq, or being raped in sudan, or starving, or extremely sick, ill, with no families, with nothing?
Whenever I compare my situation with those of so many others I am instantly humbled.
Yes I don't have my own bedroom right now- but Yes I do have a place to sleep that is warm and dry and comfortable.
Yes I can't make money right now being ill- but I have some savings to get me through and I will be able to make money when I am completely better.
there is always so much to complain about if we let ourselves- and then there is always so much to be grateful for if we let ourselves.
It is always a matter of choice. Our happiness depends on nothing except ourselves and our perception of life.

I can move through my scaredness, through the darkness and the unknown. I can dance a flailing dance of chaos in hopes to bring more centeredness to my dark frenzy.

I know when all is cleared I can look back on these moments and pat myself on the back for doing the best I could in any given circumstance.

So this is my butoh today. My acceptance of what is. I am healing. I am in a process.
I allow myself to rest into my own body- trusting it and it's strength to continue holding strong.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Full moon musings

I danced
For my own moon shadow to dance back in my reflection on the cool cement
No street lamps need to flicker
The sun's own infinite glow bounces back to hit me square in the heart
Dancing for the sweet joy of freedom
In expression --- lies the power
I breathe in the smell of midnight
bursting through the atoms of conciousness
How the moonlight caresses the very depths of my being
Forcing me to burst into a song of dance
Alone under this vast sky
I danced

Friday, September 2, 2011

love

This is the truth. When I open my heart. This is what pours out. I love. I love I love. I relish mama earth and her bounty, her skin is my own, her belly is what held me for 9 months while I evolved into something human-like. I am the sun's radiance, that which warms my own skin is my own love- reflecting back to me infinitely. I love.

When I stop. When I realize the levels of tension I carry around day to day- and when I reach a point of being able to let it all go- I am finally able to feel fully with my heart like I did when I was a child.

 Our truth needs to be heard. Needs to be shared.

Time is only real in this very moment. How am I treating each moment?
This is how:
To immerse myself in the fragrances of lavender as I walk lesiurely past bushes and bushes of purple budding scents. My every cell can vibrate with affection for one another at how magical everything always fits together. There is no seperation between the air I breathe and the breather. Life flows through it all- I am life. I am the peak the valley and the plain of life. I have it all.
this is the truth. I strive to live it.

Relish these moments. Relish the light reflecting brilliantly onto deeply colored maple trees. Relish your family, those that love you through anything. Relish your own capability of brilliance-
As we are all relections of eachother.
May we lift eachother higher and higher till we finally merge to become whole with the sun!