butoh of pain

Pain is a huge teacher.
Teaches humility- submission to whatever is actually happening in the present moment.
Pain is a way of constantly being reminded you are in a physical body that needs love and attention.

This pain is.
Emotions surface.
Fustration. Non-understanding- impatience with the body- needing things to be healed faster then what is actually occuring.
Egos' desires versus the souls infinite wisdom.
Painbody is in pain.

I may not understand what is happening to my physical body- but this much I do know:
I want to be whole, complete, and 100% healthy.
Health is really EVERYTHING. It is such a challenge to stay upbeat and positive when one is in a lot of pain. I empathize with a lot of the world right now. How many children are getting limbs blown off in Iraq, or being raped in sudan, or starving, or extremely sick, ill, with no families, with nothing?
Whenever I compare my situation with those of so many others I am instantly humbled.
Yes I don't have my own bedroom right now- but Yes I do have a place to sleep that is warm and dry and comfortable.
Yes I can't make money right now being ill- but I have some savings to get me through and I will be able to make money when I am completely better.
there is always so much to complain about if we let ourselves- and then there is always so much to be grateful for if we let ourselves.
It is always a matter of choice. Our happiness depends on nothing except ourselves and our perception of life.

I can move through my scaredness, through the darkness and the unknown. I can dance a flailing dance of chaos in hopes to bring more centeredness to my dark frenzy.

I know when all is cleared I can look back on these moments and pat myself on the back for doing the best I could in any given circumstance.

So this is my butoh today. My acceptance of what is. I am healing. I am in a process.
I allow myself to rest into my own body- trusting it and it's strength to continue holding strong.