butoh of pain

Pain is a huge teacher.
Teaches humility- submission to whatever is actually happening in the present moment.
Pain is a way of constantly being reminded you are in a physical body that needs love and attention.

This pain is.
Emotions surface.
Fustration. Non-understanding- impatience with the body- needing things to be healed faster then what is actually occuring.
Egos' desires versus the souls infinite wisdom.
Painbody is in pain.

I may not understand what is happening to my physical body- but this much I do know:
I want to be whole, complete, and 100% healthy.
Health is really EVERYTHING. It is such a challenge to stay upbeat and positive when one is in a lot of pain. I empathize with a lot of the world right now. How many children are getting limbs blown off in Iraq, or being raped in sudan, or starving, or extremely sick, ill, with no families, with nothing?
Whenever I compare my situation with those of so many others I am instantly humbled.
Yes I don't have my own bedroom right now- but Yes I do have a place to sleep that is warm and dry and comfortable.
Yes I can't make money right now being ill- but I have some savings to get me through and I will be able to make money when I am completely better.
there is always so much to complain about if we let ourselves- and then there is always so much to be grateful for if we let ourselves.
It is always a matter of choice. Our happiness depends on nothing except ourselves and our perception of life.

I can move through my scaredness, through the darkness and the unknown. I can dance a flailing dance of chaos in hopes to bring more centeredness to my dark frenzy.

I know when all is cleared I can look back on these moments and pat myself on the back for doing the best I could in any given circumstance.

So this is my butoh today. My acceptance of what is. I am healing. I am in a process.
I allow myself to rest into my own body- trusting it and it's strength to continue holding strong.

Full moon musings

I danced
For my own moon shadow to dance back in my reflection on the cool cement
No street lamps need to flicker
The sun's own infinite glow bounces back to hit me square in the heart
Dancing for the sweet joy of freedom
In expression --- lies the power
I breathe in the smell of midnight
bursting through the atoms of conciousness
How the moonlight caresses the very depths of my being
Forcing me to burst into a song of dance
Alone under this vast sky
I danced

love

This is the truth. When I open my heart. This is what pours out. I love. I love I love. I relish mama earth and her bounty, her skin is my own, her belly is what held me for 9 months while I evolved into something human-like. I am the sun's radiance, that which warms my own skin is my own love- reflecting back to me infinitely. I love.

When I stop. When I realize the levels of tension I carry around day to day- and when I reach a point of being able to let it all go- I am finally able to feel fully with my heart like I did when I was a child.

 Our truth needs to be heard. Needs to be shared.

Time is only real in this very moment. How am I treating each moment?
This is how:
To immerse myself in the fragrances of lavender as I walk lesiurely past bushes and bushes of purple budding scents. My every cell can vibrate with affection for one another at how magical everything always fits together. There is no seperation between the air I breathe and the breather. Life flows through it all- I am life. I am the peak the valley and the plain of life. I have it all.
this is the truth. I strive to live it.

Relish these moments. Relish the light reflecting brilliantly onto deeply colored maple trees. Relish your family, those that love you through anything. Relish your own capability of brilliance-
As we are all relections of eachother.
May we lift eachother higher and higher till we finally merge to become whole with the sun!

spirit food

Dreams happen easier if you sleep.

Interesting.

We digest easier when we put food in our stomachs. It is what needs to be done.

Sometimes it gets complicated and challenging to do the simple things in life.

for me these simple things are my own practices.

dance.

meditation

yoga

eating wholesome foods

silence

space

nature

So when life takes a hold we gotta flow.

Where attention goes energy flows.

I don't know the theme of this blog.

Does it have to have a theme?

Are we scared to express our selves for fear of rejection, for fear of ridicule, for fear of not being good enough?

So read this.

This is me. I am me. Me is I. I am this. Infinite possibility in a human body. This is you. We are IT.

And understand. My lessons, my journey, my story is only another part of your own story. Together if we are true to who we are and what we are experiencing, we can learn from each other.

I am your best reflection.





Yesterday I went to a meditation class in Salt Lake. What the teacher was saying hit right on home for me. We don't have to do ANYTHING to attain connection with source. Techniques for mediation are like the boat that help you cross the river. Helpful, but can get in the way if you continue rowing on dry land- right? Really all we have to do is do nothing. Surrender. Source is in each and everyone of us. If we could stop everything- because it is the anything and everything that is a distraction and gets in the way- then source would begin to flow into us naturally.

What do you do that continues to block source energy from constantly living within you??

How come I feel disconnected at times and super connected at times? My heart wants to be open allllll the TIMMMEEE. Why isn't it? Why is it that there are judgements crossing my mind----

Oh. Nori. Duh. You are human. Remember that.

So yea. I need to eat. My spirit wants food. Spirit food.
Like my dance. My mediation. My intentional practices.

I would like to say we all crave spirit food. Perphaps that is what I am seeking when I bliss out eating coconut bliss, or raw chocolate cake.....


This just is.

You just are.

We are it.

Beings. Human Beings. Experiencing a hell of a lot right now.

Norianna is just one of those. Seeking intentional balance. I know I am the only one who can create it.

peace

life art process

Measuring.

I am trying to understand life.

At least what she is trying to tell me.

Where am I supposed to live?  Here or there?

Seems like clarity should explode from every cell of my being, or every cell of this table, or every cell of my food.

Is it possible to look into the coffee grinds and see what the future holds?

Can I?

I am inspired to create.
I watched the documentary about Anna Halprin called "Breath made visible"-

LIFE IS ART. there is no seperation.

And so in this life-art-process I can use my uncertinty to create art- I can dance in the midst of chaos, in the midst of not knowing, and in the middle of feeling unsettled.

All I have to do is DO IT. Commit to my life. Commit to my art. Let there be no seperation.

Measuring-
Balancing my time, my effort, my desire, my healing

I WANT IT ALL.....

I know that healing and dance are both predominate things in my life that I am here to do good work with.
Now my life is immersed in Massage school, the healing aspects- and I still feel like part of my soul is dying, being forgotten. The only thing that fulfills that part of my being is through dance, art, and the creative process... Even though I have noticed when I am fully immersed in that world- I would never be completely satisfied unless I incorporate the spirituality and healing aspects into dance and art.

This is a balance I am struggling to find. How can I have it all?
I usually tend to come really close-

Life. Trying to understand where and how everything fits and flows together.
I am recognizing the place and importance of the heart.
In order to understand- I must live from the heart, know from the heart, love from the heart.

Then there is no duality. And I can have it all.

Patience, commitment, dedication.

Healing, Dance, freedom, community, expression, nature, love, yes yes yes

Health

For about the last 2.5 weeks I've gone through a double wave of a serious throat infection. The second time it got to be so bad my dad actually flew out from North Carolina to see what was going on with me out here in Salt Lake City, UT. This was the first time I was ever hooked up to an IV- first time given steriods.... I like to say that cause it makes everything sound really intense- which it was, but now looking back it all seems so surreal. It is amazing to be more or less confined to an area for days on an end- with only me myself and I to look after. I wonder how much we constantly are running away from in the ways that we tend to distract or occupy ourselves.
I was definitely dealing with lots of 3rd Chakra stuff- needing to feel like I was just being loved, taken care of, and always attended to- So it was such a blessing that my father actually took the time to fly out and come to pamper and soothe my soul.
REally truly though I am the only one who can always soothe and comfort my own self.
Major lessons.
Major clearings.
Tests of strength, character, and resiliance

Who knows. Maybe subconciously a reason for my sickness was to connect with my dad. To understand him on a much deeper level; away from normal stresses and circumstances.

So grateful for all of my family in every way, shape, and form.

I am all better now.
Trying to take it easy.
Learn my lessons.
Feeling so much gratitude for swallowing, breathing, and my life!
namaste

Lessons of 5th Chakra

So Wednesday morning I awoke with a heavy sickness coming on; started in my throat and took me out. This was in some way (like all things) probably really necessary- that I was out cold for a few days. This allowed me to have precious alone time, deep internal reflection time, and the sleep that I have been craving - even if I was concious of that craving or not. Being sick is literally like having a powerful reset button being pushed. The body naturally cleanses itself, naturally heals itself, and naturally loves itself- only if we (spirit/ego) allow the natural process to happen. I am so grateful at how fast and natural my body is progressing. From when I woke up this morning at around 9 am to now 2pm... the heavy residue of my sore throat is practically gone. To me that is incredible. Of course I know instaneous healing, quantum healing, miracle healing, ect. all exist... but I have to start somewhere right?
So much gratitude comes from having abilities and situations taken away- and then to have them again. This learning process that comes through seperation is incredible. I really wish I could carry around the humbleness, reverence, and sheer appreciation for the simplest things in life- all the time. Our health is EVERYTHING. Without it- then what? To me life is about quality, how can I soak in the richness of this experience without having an optimal body to pass the experience through? My heart goes out to all those people in the world who are in deep pain- how can we as a human race allievate suffering?
Though- I do recognize suffering has its place. I am certainly grateful for it (if it is in the least bit tolerable)- because it allows me to be that much more grateful, humble, centered, and compassionate.

My physical lessons as of about a month seem to be dealing with the throat. Avenues of expression. Releasing all fears of expressing 100% honestly to how I feel, what I am experiencing at any given moment. There is such a boost of self-empowerment when I just lay it out flat- when I allow there to be no hinderances to how I am experiencing this reality. I recognize in my being completely honest and vulnerable- it allows others to do the same and to recieve me in a more compassionate state. But above all- this is honestly the only thing I CAN DO. It is a little errie- I must admit. I feel so in tune with my own inner state (ok ok not all the time... but a lot) that to not express something that I feel like must be expressed- just seems absurdly ridonculous...

And to add to that:
I moved to Salt Lake City to go through massage school with a close soul sister, Shelly. It really does feel like we are in some intense relationship right now- because I kind of more or less depend on her for my active life here. Through her I have met everyone I have met- have had the amazing opportunities I have had...ect. I just wanted to honor how well I think we are both doing for the intensity of the situation- because we are spending almost 24/7 with each other- granted we are still looking for that perfect spot to root down and create serious space boundaries- called bedrooms. I believe one of the key ingredients we both have down pretty solid, is our ability to communicate from the heart. If we are sensing that something is up, or we infringed on a sensitivity, or whatever- we can always approach and handle each situation with maturity. Even if it is in retrospect- and we have had a moment to think before reacting.
 In Lak'esh. I am another you.
I honor all my relations:
IN EVERYTHING they are teaching me.

Through the challenges comes great rewards- I feel like everytime I take a big leap forward in learning about myself- I have accomplished so incredibly much! That is why we are here right?
To. To. To.... LEARN. YEA...
And what better than to have amazing goddesses, fellow human beings, and nature- reflect back to us our own shadows, our own beauty, and our own infinitie potential?

Wo... that was definitely quite a download. Love you!